I am sure you know that married life can be sweet, peaceful and lovely. Having that kind of marriage is a dream of every woman. But too many families, that kind of marriage relationship has remained a dream.
It is disturbing to see both husband and wife being committed in Church; yet having serious issues in their marriage. Do you have an idea why there is such a contradiction? I guess the reason is they have not taken time to know the secret behind a successful marriage.
I think you would agree with me when I say that it is possible to be a committed Church member and still fail to be a committed, spouse? Yes, I have seen many men and women who are doing wonderfully in Church but are completely opposite in their marriage. Don’t you think there is a problem somewhere?
Well, I am not here to criticise or judge Christian couples; I am here to share some useful information that can help you move your marriage to the next level, and enjoy it according to God’s plan. God’s plan for marriage is that we live in harmony with our spouses and reflect his love. That is why the scripture talks about the oneness in marriage,
How you can become effective in transforming your marriage
Now the big question you may ask is, how can a woman make her marriage successful if her husband is not cooperating? The good news is, my post is specifically written to help you take the right approach as a woman and make your marriage successful. It may not be a microwave approach, but I assure you, if you are determined, you can transform your marriage.
So, you want to enjoy peace, love and happiness in your marriage; right? Here is the big secret, you must change your mindset. Everything revolves within your heart; success or failure. How you think about your marriage is key because it is your thoughts that would determine the destiny of your marriage. If your mind is full of doubts about the success of your marriage then you must change your thinking.
Why am emphasizing on changing your mindset? The scripture in Prov.4:23 says,
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it!.
For you to succeed in life you must have the right attitude toward it. You cannot expect to succeed in life if all the time your heart is full of doubts about your success. Having the right mindset is the ground where the seed of your success can yield.
Whatever may be the challenges you may be facing now, you know that it is a matter of time, and you will overcome them. It may be the attitude you don’t like in your husband or the influence of a third party such as your in-laws; whatever it may be; when you have the right mindset they would become history.
How to develop the right mindset
I don’t know about you; but as for me, I had a tough time with my thoughts while I was having issues with my marriage, the time I started the journey. Each time I had an issue with my husband I would imagine so many negative things about him. And as I meditate on them they would make me sadder; until I discovered the secret of having the right mindset.
But there is more to having the right mindset than merely saying it. Having the right mindset does not just happen; it has to be developed. As I mentioned earlier, if you are determined to make your marriage successful then you would work toward developing the right mindset. It does not depend on how your husband behaves, but on what you want to focus your mind on.
Now, this is what the scripture says about having the right mindset,
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things”. Phil.4:8
In essence, the scripture above is saying you should :
- think about what is true; not what you are imagining in your mind.
- Think about what is right from the perspective of the word of God; not what your judgement is based on.
- Think about what is pure even if the situation warrants impure thoughts.
- Set your mind on what is lovely, excellent and praiseworthy.
I am sure you would agree with me that having these kinds of thoughts alone would make you happy. If all you think of is about what we read above, that would create a welcoming environment for transformation in your marriage.
The power behind developing the right mindset
But it is not easy to have such thoughts in an environment that you feel marginalised. So to be able to have such thoughts there has to be some sacrifice from your part. You have to set aside your own interest and allow the Holy Spirit to take control of your heart. Gal.5:16 admonishes us to walk by the Spirit so that we will not gratify the sinful nature.
Regarding our weakness to do what the will of God, Jesus said,
“Remain in me as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me”? John 15:4
That is it. You must remain in Christ to be able to come up with true, right, pure and lovely thoughts. If you try to do it yourself, you would end up becoming more frustrated and discouraged. He is the author and perfecter of our faith. He alone understands exactly what you may be passing through. He himself suffered for our sins, and he is able to help us in time of need. Look up to him so that you do not grow weak in your journey. Heb.12:1-5
While you work on changing your mindset, in my next posts I will share with you some practical steps you can take to influence your husband positively. If you are not in my list you can sign up so that you won’t miss the subsequent posts.
To your success.