Two cannot walk together unless they agree; so says the Scripture. By this, it means trust is very significant in a relationship. Walking together does not mean we cannot disagree on certain issues, as humans we do disagree over certain things. But what we mean here is having trust for one another. In this case, as a wife, can your husband trust you? You may have reason for not trusting your husband, but what about you, can he trust you?
We cannot deny the fact that it is difficult to be open to someone who is not open to you. But if we want to enjoy our married relationships we must start somewhere, and you as a wife has to make that sacrifice. When you make such a sacrifice it can influence him to open up to you as well. How long it would take for him to do that should not be your problem; having decided to be honest in your relationship, continue to be yourself.
Cultural norms are not reliable in a Christian marriage relationship
Now, what are you hiding from your husband? Some of the things we tend to be secretive about are money, property, help rendered to relations, and other things we think are our secrets. From a cultural perspective it could be considered as wisdom, but if we are to be sincere this practice keeps us apart than uniting us with our husbands. What we think does not matter can become bottlenecks in our marriage relationships. There are some things that are norms in our cultures but are not biblical. And anything that is not biblical does not fit in a Christian marriage.
Trust is built out of transparency
As a wife determined to build trust in your marriage you need transparency. As I mention earlier, don’t bother whether he is transparent or not; be who you choose to become. Transparency has to do with being clear, straightforward, plain, bold, open, and honest. In your position as a wife, you are expected to develop these qualities which are building blocks for trust.
Have trust in handling Finances
It is expected that your husband knows your income, if possible have a say on the way it is spent. But sometimes it may be difficult to disclose your financial status to your husband if he is the type that is extravagant, however let it be that you are doing that for the good of the family.
When it comes to helping your relations, tell him; let him know they have a need, and you want to help them. When he frowns over it, don’t quickly get offended, try to ascertain his reasons. Sometimes some of our relations think we have surplus, therefore, they come to us with unnecessary requests simply because we always attend to them. It may be that we neglect important needs in the home to help someone who truly does not need help. Your husband may be sensitive enough to dictate such kinds of requests. But where you see that he is being selfish, take a bold step and point it out to him in a loving manner.
Dealing with personal issues
If you have an issue but you think sharing it with your husband might affect your marriage, pray about it, let God guide you. If after praying, you still find it difficult to share it with him, seek the help of your Pastor or a matured Christian mother. But you must be sure of them, lest you are misled. I advise that you learn to be bold to speak out after creating an enabling environment with your husband as Queen Esther in the Bible.
When your husband offends you tell him; don’t keep it to yourself pretending that all is well. This would lead you to keeping malice with him which can be acidic to your relationship. The mistake we make sometimes is we prefer telling our friends the offences of our husbands, and they may advise us wrongly. It is better to voice out your feelings to your husband than hide it to him, and tell your friends. However, don’t talk to him when you are enraged, wait until your anger subsides, and talk to him with courtesy. I know this can be difficult to do, but when you seek help from God in prayers, it would be possible.
The type of company you keep should be known to your husband. Let him know and accept your friend; where you have a cordial relationship with male colleagues let him know them as well. Where he is not satisfied with any company you keep, discard it. Your husband should not have any reason to suspect you of any adverse relationship.
For some of us that have children, especially those that are grown, sometimes we cover their bad deeds because we don’t want them to be disciplined. At times I am tempted to do that. As mothers, we tend to be closer to our children; as such we get carried away by emotions and we don’t want them to be hurt. So, when a child commits an offence, we try to conceal it from his father so that the father would not discipline him or her. If you want to succeed in your marriage you must be sincere about the affairs of the children to their father.
I may not exhaust the list, but the bottom-line is, transparency promotes trust, and trust makes our marriage relationship stronger.
Some verses that can help you build trust in your marriage relationship:
“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices” Col.3:9
“ Simply let your Yes be yes, and your No, no; anything beyond this comes from the evil one”. Matt.5:37
“The Lord detests lying lips, but delights in men who are truthful”.Provb.12:22
“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with action and in truth”. 1 John 3:18
“To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice”. Provb.21:3
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, it always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”. 1 Cor.13:6-7