I read a poem describing a woman being all round the clock doing so many things at the same time. She is a worker in the office, a wife, a mother, a cook, cleaner, the list goes on and on.
Imagine combining all those things, and your husband comes home and say or do something nasty to you. How do you take it? You give him a piece of your mind, right? Yet when you do that he feels offended and walks out of you. Supposing it goes on like that for sometimes what do you think would happen? There would be a gap which could take serious effort to fill.
Strive for your marriage
But you don’t want to have that gap created because you love your husband and you want to keep him for yourself. So what do you do? That is what I want to share with you in this post; how to be resilient and make your marriage work despite the challenges.
Our people have a saying that “someone dance and he is rewarded with a gift, while another dance and he is rewarded with beating”. If you were the one that received the beating, what would you do? You would find out the secret from the one that received the gift, right? It is the same thing in a marriage, we learn from those that are receiving a pat on the back. What are they doing that we are missing?
The secret for resolving marital issues
Now, this is the whole thing, forgiveness. Sounds illogical, does it? However it may sound, that is the way out. For your good and for your marriage. Yes, it is difficult to do it, but others are doing it, so you can do it. When you forgive you can have the right spirit to carry out your responsibilities without prejudice.
But the question is how do you do it? Indeed it is not within our capacity to forgive offences so easily, that is why Christ came to help us. He knows that our nature is used to an eye for an eye, and that does not give us the peace we are craving for; instead, it sets us apart, and that breaks our hearts.
So, you need to continually allow Christ to guide and direct your mind for the grace to forgive. As humans, we are not able to live up to each other’s expectation; without forgiveness, the marital journey cannot be successful. The human nature tells us that we must revenge but Jesus taught us to forgive as He forgave us. We all know that to forgive is not easy, especially when the offender does not show any remorse attitude. Yet the Bible instructs us to forgive so that we can also be forgiven.
For us to cultivate the attitude of forgiveness we need to depend on Christ and learn from him. Jesus Christ is our all in all. He is our saviour and our Lord. A disciple is not better than his teacher. He said we should do what we see him doing, and that will show that we are his true disciples. (John 13:13-17). Jesus forgives without measure and he wants us to do the same to each other. And for us to do as he does we must seek to know him, and be like him.
He is loving
The love of Jesus Christ is selfless and sacrificial. It is the love that goes so far, he loves a person even if he doesn’t deserve to be loved; a person that is utterly unworthy of being loved. If you have been forgiven your sins you will testify the love of Christ; you know that you didn’t deserve it. He forgives any type of sin, big or small. Do you recall how Jesus forgave Saul of Tarsus, the persecutor of Christ Followers? What on earth would prompt someone to forgive a murderer of his own children, if not love? What about his words to those that crucified him? He said Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing. The shackles of death could not stop the love of Jesus Christ from overflowing.
What if you could love like Jesus, do you think it would be hard to forgive your husband when he offends you? Jesus knew it is hard for us to love in his own way that is why he said, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. For apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:4,5c when we abide in Christ, he grants us the grace to love in his own way. Do you remember Stephen who was killed under the approval of Saul of Tarsus? Read his last words concerning his killers, “Lord, do not hold their sin against them” Acts.7:60b. Can you see that it is possible to forgive any offence once we have Christ own love in us?
He is compassionate
It is compassion that moves Jesus to love the way he loves. When he was on earth, Jesus did remarkable miracles not just to display his power, but because he was moved with compassion toward the beneficiaries. One miracle that baffles me is how Jesus restored Malthus’s ear, a servant of the high priest whom Peter cut his ear at the time of Jesus’ arrest. Jn. 18:10 &Lk.22:50-51. This is a person that came to arrest Jesus, and Peter was trying to fight back, yet Jesus restrained Peter from doing so. Some stories in the Bible sound like tales because they appear foolish to the natural mind, but God’s ways are not our ways. Compassion is God’s nature and that is the force that drives Jesus toward us, time and again despite our failures. When you are compassionate, you don’t treat someone according to what he deserves.
He is humble.
Humility made Jesus come down to this sinful world and died a shameful death. He emptied his glory and took the form of a servant for our sake. Being in the form of God, he did not consider equality with God; instead of taking the form of a man he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death. All through his life on earth, he lived a life of service to humanity. His humble nature made it easier for him to forgive generously. As humans, we see humility as an object of contempt and abuse, but we know that God honours the humble. This is not to say humility is becoming a yes-person; giving in to every whims and wish of your husband; rather it is an attitude that dispels any form of ungodliness. It takes the mind of Christ to be humble, the natural-minded person is mindful of self-defence but a Christ-minded person is mindful of making peace at any cost. Warren W. Wiersbe has said, “Ministry that costs nothing accomplishes nothing. If there is to be any blessing, there must be some bleeding”.
How easy we can forgive our offenders if we do a little sacrifice by giving up our Will for God’s Will.
Beloved, what is your attitude toward forgiveness? Are you struggling with any form of bitterness; you want to forgive but when you remember the magnitude of the offence your husband committed against you; you think he does not deserve it? Learn from Christ, surrender all to him, and let him have his way, you would be surprised to see how easy it is to forgive.
Forgiveness comes with a lot of blessings. It heals a wounded heart, resonates joy, revives a broken relationship, attracts the presence of God in your family, and an expressway to get your prayers answered by God.