Are you almost giving up on your spouse? Do you wish you would have known his person before answering yes I do? Maybe you have already labelled your marriage as a failure because you think your spouse can never change. Perhaps you have made all effort to make him behave as you expect but your effort is not making any impact on him. I understand how unresponsive emotions can be in such kind of a relationship. It can be frustrating trying to connect with someone whose attitude irritates you.
We all cherish a relationship where a partner does what you want, but in most cases, we do not get it our own way. What do we do when the situation is not as we expected; should we refrain from the relationship? I don’t think so, there must be a way out, and that is what I want to share with you in this post.
So, this is the way out:
A. Facts You need to know about a man.
1. Know that a man hates to be confronted by his wife.
Your spouse may be doing the wrong thing but he wouldn’t like you to challenge him. He already knows and doesn’t want you to confirm it for him. He would try to be on the defensive side so that you do not intimidate him.
Know that too much of complaining makes a man hardened.
When you complain a lot about his attitude, he may want to indulge in it more, to prove to you that he cannot be intimidated by your actions. So he would want to prove that he is a man.
Know that men tend to ignore the problem in a marriage.
A man would prefer to be somewhere to find comfort than face the problem in his marriage. He would rather dodge the problem than stand and face it. Check it, how many men go for marriage counselling on their own without their wives pushing them?
A man will always show that he is in charge of the affairs of the family.
No matter your effort to make things work for the family, a man would not want you to take the glory. He wants you to accredit it to him. Failure to do that amounts to a conflict of interest which may push him farther away from you.
A man tends to focus more on work, money, and sports.
A man cherishes his work, money and sports. Usually these three things may take his attention off from you at a point in time. If you try to force yourself on him ahead of those three things it may result in disagreement, and he may accuse you of being dominant.
B. Ways you can Make Positive Change on Your Spouse.
Accept the fact that every human being has limitation.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.Rom.3:23 If we claim we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not us.1 John1:8
When you understand that we all have limitations, you would not easily judge your spouse’s failures. You would appreciate the fact that you are likely to make mistakes also. We are only declared righteous by what Christ did for us; it is not our own effort. Instead of judging your spouse, pray for him.
Instead of dwelling on his negative side, dwell more on his positive side.
No matter how bad a person is, he must have his good side. So, appreciate his good qualities and ask God for wisdom to help him overcome the negative side.
Don’t just complain about everything.
Instead of complaining about everything out of annoyance, let him know clearly the attitude in him that irritates you. While you do that, you must do it with respect. Approach him in the right way and at the right time. For example, if your husband drinks, don’t wait until he is drunk before you complain about it. Instead, talk to him when he is calm, and in a good mood, and respectfully tell him about the effects of his attitude on your married relationship.
4. Have confidence in your spouse
Let your husband know you believe in him. Don’t relegate him to a low status simply because he is failing in some of his responsibilities. No matter the shortcoming of a man, he wants his wife to believe in his capabilities.
5. Accept him.
Accept your spouse for who he is without conditions. If you fail to accept him, he would always go to where he feels relevant. We all want to be accepted by the people around us, every person wants to be relevant.
6. Allow Christ to have control over your life.
Learn to depend on Jesus in everything you do, and stop depending on your emotions. Jesus is the prince of peace; if you remain in him, you will enjoy his peace that surpasses the one you expect from your husband.
7. Take prayer seriously.
Be a woman of prayer; never relent in your prayers. Take time to pray for yourself, and your spouse. By this, God will make His grace available to you, and you will be surprised how great an impact you can make in the life of your spouse. The changes may not be automatic, but gradually they will manifest.
Above all, no matter how you feel, always remember that God loves you, and He means well for you. Imagine God giving His only begotten Son to die in your place so that in him you might have a life. If God can do that for you, what else would He deny you? Surely, He will grant you peace and a loving relationship with your spouse.