Have you been having persistent issues in your marriage? And you are stuck because you don’t know what to do? Maybe you have been praying, wishing, and waiting for your husband to change, yet without any result. Everywhere seem to be silent, and you are getting more frustrated every day?
I guess when you were dating your husband you thought your marriage would not be like the one of Mr & Mrs. X. You thought everything would go on smoothly, and love would continue spontaneously. But, here you are, issues have crept into your relationship and you wonder when the whole thing would be over. Perhaps they are rather increasing, and that makes you frustrated with the relationship?
Disagreement is normal in marriage
If that is you, know that every wife has had issues in her marriage at a point in time, but how you respond to them makes the difference. I don’t think there is any woman from inception who knew that one day she would turn to the other side of the bed from her husband. Many of us depended on emotions, and we thought that was all about love in marriage. By the time the emotions faded, reality dawned on us, and we began to call a spade a spade.
There are many things that cause disagreement in marriage; as little as they may be,if not properly handled, can magnify and become a big problem. Some common things that couples disagree upon are TV programs, table manners, bathroom and bedroom manners, relationship with in-laws, finances and others. You and your spouse may have different opinions about these things. If the opinions are not respected, then it can translate to an issue.
Claiming right does not make us right
Now, your husband may not want to submit to your own wishes because he feels he is the head. Meanwhile, you are thinking the whole problem is with him. On the other hand, he thinks he owes you nothing, instead, he expects changes from you. So both of you are feeling justified, non sees his or her shortcoming. Meanwhile, your relationship is deteriorating.
That reminds me of the parable Jesus told his audience about two people that went to pray, one a Pharisee, and another a tax collector. That Pharisee prayed to thank God that he was doing everything right, and not a sinner like the tax collector. But the tax collector could not raise his head up, he cried to God to have mercy on him a sinner. Jesus said the tax collector went home justified than the Pharisee. (Lk18:9-14) The Pharisee was boasting of his self-righteousness and ended up disqualified before God.
In like manner, many of us fail to see our own shortcomings; we think we are doing very well. It is the man that is a sinner, he is the one that needs change. That is why many couples cannot resolve their issues. When the man is claiming right, you the wife is also claiming right, now who is at fault then? It may be that the man has his shortcoming, what about you? Can you say you are doing everything right? Perhaps you may say his own is worse, does that make you any better than the Pharisee?
God delights in a repentant heart
I have observed that we are quick to blame our husbands, we pray and even fast that God should change them, but we hardly think of ourselves. And when we don’t receive any response from God, we become frustrated wondering why God is silent. Meanwhile, God is waiting for us to see ourselves as the tax collector and ask for mercy.
Personally, I acted that way too. Anytime we had a disagreement with my husband, as far as I was concerned, he was to blame. As for me, everything was perfect. So, I was busy praying that God should change my husband. But when God opened my eyes and I saw myself, I wept, because I was full of self-righteousness. I cried to God and he had mercy on me; instead of praying that God should change my husband, I asked Him to change me. I combined my prayer with action, and before I know it, the rate at which we were disagreeing has reduced drastically. I have learned to focus on examining myself than putting my eye on the shortcoming of my husband; on the other hand my husband does the same.
Maybe you need to do what I did too. Can you take a moment and look at yourself inwards? Think of all the disagreements you have had with your husband, what was your reaction, have you been respectful to him? What about his people, do you love them? If your heart condemns you, why not do what the tax collector did. Ask God to forgive, and cleanse you. Ask Him for grace to do your part as a wife, and leave the rest to Him. Combine your prayers with action, and you would see what God will do for you.
Happiness is found only in Jesus
As a matter of fact, if you want to be happy in life and your marriage, put your trust in Jesus, let him be the source of your strength. Spend quality time with him in studying his word and prayers. Ask him to help you overcome your weaknesses daily. Oh yes, you will also pray for your husband, ask God to bless him and help overcome his own weaknesses too. Your children are not exempted from the prayer list either.
If you make that part of your life, your story would change.