How we long to be loved and cared for. We like to hear our husbands tell us good things about us, buy us gifts, and take us for an outing. But most times those desires remain wishes than reality. And the reason is not far-fetch, busyness; we are all busy. Busy working, doing Church activities, attending to relations and other needs, and the list continues. So many activities have taken over, and that is making it difficult for many couples to understand each other. Besides our work and other engagements, technology is also taking its own share of our time. It is no longer strange to see a couple sitting together in a living room but each minding his or her own business. It is either you see one watching television while the other is busy pressing his or her mobile phone or both are busy with their mobile phones. And to some families, the children are not left behind.
We owe our families a duty of care
Think about it; in a situation where couples hardly have time together, not to talk of their children, what would be the result? No matter how spiritual a couple may be, if there is no intimacy in their marriage it would be affected adversely. Any relationship that lacks communication flow is likely to have problems. And not only that, children are left at the mercy of house helps or to be on their own. In these recent times we’ve heard of cases of rape, suicide, drugs, and other vices that have become common among the younger ones.
As wives and mothers, if we want to enjoy life as it ought to be in the family, then we must make haste and find ways to curtail some of our activities, and create intimacy with our husbands. There are different ways we can do that;
these are some of the ways:
1. Spiritual intimacy.
There is a popular saying that: “couples who pray together, stay together”. When husband and wife spend time together studying the word of God, praying together, and praying for each other, there will be a spiritual connection. If we are spiritually connected it would be easy to connect otherwise. As a woman do everything possible to pray with your family. Some husbands don’t bother about family prayer, don’t depend on your husband, go ahead, and do it. Try to convince him to join you and the children.
In our leisure times, we can embark on some physical activities together. It can be taking a morning walk together, weeding grasses around your compound together, or any other thing you love to do. My husband and I do have a morning walk together, and as we walk, we discuss issues of interest. Sometimes he walks faster than I; I would either increase my steps or he reduces his own steps, and this can be fun to us. Doing some physical activities that both of you love, together, can be full of fun.
3. Intellectual intimacy.
We can connect together by discussing certain issues of life. Though we have gender differences that affect our topics of interest; men love to talk about football and politics, while women love topics about relationships and fashion. With understanding, we can follow our husbands, and discuss their own topics of interest in a relaxed manner. As we do that, they would also give attention to our own topics of interest. Sometimes we slightly disagree, but with understanding, that can also be fun. It makes us understand each other better and it builds the relationship.
4. Physical intimacy
Many marriages have developed problems as a result of not giving attention to this type of intimacy. The apostle Paul admonished couples not to deny each other their bodies except with mutual understanding.(1 Cor.7:5) No marriage will succeed if the couple fails to co-operate in this regard. Physical intimacy is not limited to a sexual relationship only; it also extends to anything that can ignite love feelings. Men cherish this kind of intimacy so much.
We must be open to each other to the extent that we can share our deepest feelings without any doubts. There is a strong connection when spouses can share their deepest feelings with each other without fear of intimidation, it makes you feel that you are one.
The big question is what if your husband is not the co-operating type? Whatever may be the case, there must be something that attracts his attention. He is your husband, identify what attracts his attention, and do it. You can prepare his kind of food, and do it timely, especially at the time he is likely to be at home.
As women, God has given us wisdom on how to handle our husbands, we need to put that wisdom at work and create an intimate relationship with them. Never insist that he must follow your wishes. If it means sacrificing your interest for a while, do it, because that will save your relationship.